This does have a happy ending!
I'd been feeling pretty down about my work this year. Essentially, all I have to do in my third year is a) art work, b) my dissertation and c) some little bits and bobs like an artist's statement for a professional art practice course. I have only three proper deadlines this year - one for each of those categories. This may sound great, but it's actually really, really hard. I like lots of little deadlines to keep me up to date. I don't know how to divide my time with this set-up. So it's been dead easy to take a day of rest on Sundays, ballroom dance for 2-3 hours three times a week, go out to the big city nightclubs and spend all weekend recovering...you get the picture. I love the freedom that university affords the student. I know how privileged i am. It's my last year in this amazing position and i know i don't really want to spend it all with my head in a book. But i also want to get a good degree and i want to make art work that is worth experiencing. I've had that mild nagging ache in your stomach which tells you you're not living up to your potential somehow.
I feel better today. It's great to have people in your life who remind you about where you should be and what you really want. I want to call my art tutor Gracious Amanda. I'd been getting all hung up on this one-big-amazing-art-installation-idea - i was so stuck with it that i was literally going nowhere. Such ideas use up all your time in working out how to technically make the thing, then making the thing, and you have no time left in the year to reflect and develop it. This happened last year, and i swore off such silly art-making ways. I'd forgotten about that, of course. Amanda reminded me today. She reminded me just to play and experiment and reflect - that's what i really want, after all. So in the spirit of play and experimentation i got excited about my work again and now, after just one afternoon, i'm well on the way to completing my next piece before the end of term. Hurrah!
Also, God has been really blessing me with my dissertation. I find it hard to make the effort to sit down and read, but when i do God gives me understanding beyond my natural means - who understands Merleau-Ponty's phenomenology after just one read-through normally huh?! My diss. tutor is really supportive and interested in my work too, which is so encouraging. I even left ballroom dancing early tonight (albeit through lack of boys) and i'm gonna do some work now!
Praise God for caring about our academic success!
