Library

I feel nauseus...not sure why...might be those annoying LCET biscuits i ate a few hours ago...hopefully this nice cup of hot water will help me...it's funny, the things we can grow to like, eh? Hot water indeed.

Well! I just came back from the library! I find libraries very conducive to reflection, as as such, rather invigorating places; mentally so, at any rate, and sometimes practically. You'll see what I mean in a minute. All those books - they're so full of ideas! As I peruse the shelves (the use of big words is also a direct correlation to spending time in the library) ideas come out at me from all angles...ideas about me, and this makes me reflect on myself. Today, for example, I passed a shelf of university prospectuses (prospecti?) and they reminded me of my desire to study art theory again at some point. I leafed through a few from London-based colleges and wondered how on earth this will fit into my future plans. Am I a passionate person? Do I get fired up about things? Sometimes I feel like I'm going along at 75% enthusiasm, at best. But then I do get fired up about dancing, and I get fired up about art, but only to 100% when I'm actively engaging with them. I guess what we feed, grows; and as I strode over the Art section and selected a book about the Britain's contemporary art scene and sat down to read, I couldn't help but grab my notebook and pen and started scribbling down the nuggets that would be useful to me, that meant something to me. I AM an art theorist at heart. I want to know what people are saying about art and I want to respond too. What kind of art am I passionate about? Art of depth and purpose and of lasting effect. When I make art, it ends up being immersive and physical, so that's what I value. To be honest, I'm not all that clued up on pictures. Which makes me think, how can I bring this element into my schoolswork? It's all to easy to stick with pictures, but if I believe in installation, I should use that too.

What a long train of thought, and it doesn't stop there. What I do is schoolswork. I've just admitted that I do it at 75% enthusiasm (at best). But the other day I went into Luton Sixth Form and spent no more than 50 minutes with some students, just sitting in a classroom idly chatting about exams. I tell you, I felt 100% in there. I wasn't even doing anything. And last week I sat next to a Cardinal Newman art A Level student talking about Elizabeth Blackadder as we doddled with watercolours, and there too I felt 100%. There's a theme developing here, and it doesn't surprise me. I'm not going apologise about not being totally energised by my schoolswork, because it reminds me that it's just a step towards the people I really, really want to work with.

Moving onto lighter things, the shelf in the library next to the Art one was full of craft books. Now personally I think there is a tension between crafts and contemporary art, but I think that as long as you don't confuse the two, you are free to engage in both activities. For me it's mostly about toys. Whenever I see little wooden Noah's Arks full of tiny wooden animals, or beautifully crafted dollshouses, I get this peculiar and slightly sentimental (okay, dreadfully sentimental) desire to set up a business selling my own handmade toys. This notion touched slightly closer to reality in the form of a catalogue for handmade greetings cards that came through the door this week, and which requested artists to get in touch if they were interested in selling their designs. I wondered about it.

This always happens. A trip to the library inevitably makes me reflect on my life and what I'm doing with it. The question really is, what am I going to do with all those thoughts have been stirred up? It's all of no consequence if I don't take action. That's what I mean by saying I'm only sometimes invigorated on a practical level. Do I care enough about selling some greetings cards to start developing some decent designs? Possibly not. Do I care enough about having integrity as an artist to try to bring my knowledge and experience and passion into school and help young people connect with something? I hope so.

At any rate, I can't wait to start my new saturday job at the library :)